Tools and Tips

Before getting into the Tools and Tips you can use, I’d like to briefly mention on what you’ll use these tools and tips with. A huge part of ACT are Values and Commitments’. This is about the life you want to live and are based on categorical areas, e.g. Family, Career, Love Life, Faith, Fitness and Health. The books prescribe methods for how to come up with these and plan their implementation. For now I will assume you have this list and know “what” you want to do.

You just may want help with tactics about how to launch yourself into activities, be with other people, and get your life back without being so scared that you avoid the situation completely. Perhaps you haven’t left the house in a while, stopped working etc. You can practice these methods at home before you venture out. Venture out when you’re ready. Your own mind may be even supplying you with enough material while you’re sitting on the couch.

Align those Gears

What is provided in this section is practical help with learning how to be more mindful and accepting in order to free yourself from the war zone you’ve been in with your mind, which causes so much of the sensations you abhor. 

You can get used to sensations as you may well know. It’s when they spike is when they might throw you into despair. You probably think that you can get used to them, if you have had good non-anxious time periods. Having good time periods is not a necessity for ACT to help you.

 The bottom line of the war you’ve waged with Anxiety is losing your fear of Fear and these tools and tips will start you on your way and keep you on track.

I’m sure you’ve had periods where you’ve almost forgotten about Panic Attacks and then BAM it’s back and you’ve forgotten how to apply your old coping techniques, e.g. relaxation exercises etc., correct breathing, all the things that may provide some relief but don’t really tackle the problem. You may be unaware of why all of a sudden you say to yourself ‘wow I’m no longer in a setback’.  It just happened. ‘What a stroke of luck’.

The problem you have is really you trying to solve the problem. You are perceiving there is a problem because of the bodily sensations, and thoughts your mind is feeding are real and ‘must be fixed’ at all costs. This is where the problem starts. You see there really isn’t a problem.

What I’m about to tell you will slowly sink into you after you practice the ACT methods and start seeing some results. Nothing will change until you gain what you think you need, but it will be in a completely different manner in which you’re used to solving problems. This is what ACT teaches. 

The suffering you are creating will be revealed to you, and when you start to reverse the flow, your problem begins to go away. The fear you have of the problem which is really the Anxiety state, is lifted. You will no longer be afraid of fear because you know you’re way out so well, what is causing it, and that it really is really your choice. After a while you may get one of the thoughts or sensations and you’ll just be a passing thought as your habit of over reacting and panicking dies down.

These techniques will help you with uncovering the root problem of your Anxiety which is what causes you so much discomfort and keeps it going. Notice I didn’t say Fear. You will have Fear that’s normal. Anxiety is not fear.

Fear is real. Anxiety is the thought that something bad will happen to you even though the chances of it occurring are slim to none, and even if it did it happen it wouldn’t be as bad as what you put yourself through with anxiety. But try to explain that one to your mind. See ‘You vs. Your Mind Machine’ you think your mind can be bargained with. Your Anxiety is really Anxiety about the impending Anxiety state you hate.

Much of ACT is built on the principles of Eastern cultures not Western cultures. Western cultures, in particular marketing always emphasize that we should feel good all the time. If you drink my product you’ll feel better. There is an expectation that feeling good is the only way to be. Eastern cultures are much more realistic about this. Some pain and suffering is normal in life. The problem arises for Westerners when the stress we are  under or we make up gets to be past the point where doing things that cause these sensations are avoided.

The point is some pain and suffering is normal and should be expected. To an Anxiety sufferer, the pain they are feeling is intense and at times it seems non stop and starts for no apparent reason. This is what throws them. They have the expectation that there shouldn’t be this sensation, and these thoughts. “I must stop this or I must control this”. 

I need to mention I am talking about things (right now) in the present as they are occurring. I also need to mention that the mind likes to dwell in the past and in the future. It can then pull data and create thoughts, projections and evaluations for the future to supposedly protect us. Be mindful about what you’re thinking about if it is something that happened in the past or is a negative prediction about the future.

Your nervous system is like a well oiled trigger on a rifle. It’s ready to fire at the slightest touch. It may even go off on its own, like a ‘cook off’. Sometimes rifles do that after a jam. You probably are aware that any loud noise, swift movement, unexpected touch can also trigger sensations and set your mind off running. All it takes is a sensation to trigger it. Then the word relation machine really kicks in and adds a memory, some thoughts, perhaps a negative evaluation,  and your into a tailspin, thinking from inside those thoughts. You’re out of the present and running with your mind’s thoughts.

You need to be ready to handle different scenarios. At the moment you may find yourself always being entrapped.  Perhaps you’re a little better now about not going into the Anxiety State or better at not being in there very long. I was like this too but it still didn’t get at the root of my struggle. You’ve been in that moment so many times and it still freezes you because you haven’t prepared well enough.

You need to know as much about the story lines that your mind will heap on you as you can. The way to do that is to prepare a list of all the thoughts, feelings, emotions, sensations which come in their many forms. You do this so you can label them when they come.

Labeling takes away the shock factor, diverts you from entering into the thought, and lets you see the distinction between you and what your mind is producing.  It creates space, for you to invite the sensation, emotion, feeling and thought into your heart so you’re not at war with it. It helps you identify that it is not something to fear, but something to embrace as part of you. 

Typically your fears are what produce negative thoughts, and then your Anxiety about how you react to it, fuels it. You’ll want to have an idea about what your Fears are. Be honest with yourself. This way you can label them when they arise, and just understand it’s a habit of yours, acknowledge it and move on from it.

For instance here is a brief listing of mine: 

I just got reminded of the physical electric impulse twitch in my eye without an identifiable thought as to why:

My response: I say to myself, oh good another chance to practice. I put myself in the present, concentrate on breathing, tell myself to focus on the present, take in my surroundings, remind myself to look at my thoughts, don’t try to change any anything, e.g. the feeling I’m getting. Say welcome back, or invite the thoughts, make room for them, be kind to them, be kind to myself.  Don’t attempt to run from the feeling by trying to trick yourself with some thought like ‘don’t think about it’. Allow it to be. Continue with what I was presently doing.

These other scenarios are when the thought comes first and it triggers a nervous sensation.

For example,

I just got invited to a social event and I got reminded that I might disappoint myself with how I evaluate my performance based on how much fun I have.

My response:

Remind myself that it’s not required that I be the life of the party. When at the party take what is presented, don’t think I must have fun, I must talk a lot, I must impress people, I must please people.  Socialize from the intent about learning from others, hearing what they have to say is good enough. People like to talk, let them. It’s okay to be quiet.  Don’t think about how much I need them to like me, or enjoy me. You can’t control any of that. If you find yourself evaluating yourself about any of these things while you’re there, accept that, and let it be.

I’m at work, and I get the thought that I need to listen and learn this but what if I’m panicking and distracted by it, what if the person talking to me thinks I’m stupid and incompetent.

My response:

Just try your best. It’s not life or death. Recognize it’s your mind talking. You can probably figure it out or your own anyways. This person wants to help me, they aren’t trying to hurt me or humiliate me or judge me.  If need be ask for them to repeat it. Be kind to yourself, if you’re not getting the explanation, especially if you think it’s because you’re getting in the way of yourself.

I’m talking to a potential date or employer and the thought arises, what if I’m boring or can’t think of anything good to say. What if I panic and they feel uncomfortable due to it. I won’t be pleasing them.

My response: Reverse the flow, act and think like you’re aren’t so concerned with their evaluation of you. You don’t need to please any one unrealistically. Just be yourself, and if that isn’t good enough to get the job, or the woman, acknowledge it and let it be.

I’m doing something social with a friend of mine and I get the thought what if I don’t feel well, or am panicking. What will they think ? Will they think I’m Anxious, boring, how terrible.

My response:

 Understand that due to daily fluctuations I can’t always be great company. Don’t think about being the one that must provide the conversation, or fun. Just be in the present, observe, take what the scenario presents. Be kind to yourself. Know that it is your mind talking.

Here are some general points to remember when you find yourself in a struggle with negative thoughts.

Tip:

Don’t pity or feel sorry for yourself. It doesn’t do any good, actually does harm as it keeps you in your mind’s thoughts and out of reality. You really have allowed this condition so there is no one to take the blame and you certainly should not take the blame. It’s nothing external heaped on you. It’s a habit, nothing more.  The important thing is to practice moving in the other direction of how you’ve been reacting to and continuing to fuel it. It is your mind that is providing you the thought, “it’s time to feel sorry for yourself”. Thank your mind and move on.

Tip:

Try to spend more time in the present. When you’re in the present, be in the present and cherish the moment ! Notice your surroundings.  Don’t try to fix or correct anything. Take whatever your body is dishing out. Say to yourself ‘don’t try to fix or correct anything’.

Tip:

Look “at” your thoughts, not from within them. If you find yourself unclear on this, step out to the present by focusing on your breathing. Notice your breath going in through your nostrils and out either through your mouth or nose. When you find yourself back listening to your mind, think to yourself, ‘look at my thoughts’. Observe your surroundings, this will help you get back into the present.  Say to yourself “I’m having the thought that it is horrible what I’m going through, why can’t I be normal. Draw that distinction between you and your mind. Tell yourself you are not your mind. Your mind is not the enemy and it isn’t always 100% right. Thank it and move on.

Tip:

Stay with it. Stay with your situation, go back to looking at your thoughts, tell yourself, ‘that’s my mind telling me that’. That’s okay I know it’s just trying to protect me. My mind is not the enemy’. You may not enjoy it but ‘Stay with it’. It’s really the only way. When you give in, you’re giving in too early. It will get easier. Keep practicing. 

Tip:

Observe your thoughts and label them. Say to yourself  ’Oh there’s judging’ if you realize your mind just made an evaluation. ‘Oh there’s shame for allowing this condition to stop you from having fun, love and security’, or ‘there’s my heart beating quickly’, ‘there’s my mind telling me my legs feel like jelly’.

Tip:

When you are listening to your mind remember it is not always right. Pick up on when it is your mind talking to you. Listen and label, but notice the follow on thoughts. It will not only produce thoughts loaded with evaluations but it will add on, if that’s true then this other thing is true, and you may just as well give up and be sad. Your mind will say “Time to feel sad and miserable”. Go dig a hole and put yourself in it again. This is the normally the point where you think, I’ve lost, back in a setback. There is no winning or losing. You’re attempting to play both sides. Taking both sides is not advisable, you can’t win an argument with yourself (your mind is part of you, it’s not you.)  Say to yourself   ’Stay with it’. Focus on looking at your thoughts, labeling and being in the present. The intense bodily sensations will eventually stop when your parasympathetic nervous response kicks in automatically. Your brain won’t blow a gasket.

Tip:

When you find yourself, wanting to give in to spacing out and listening to your mind’s evaluations and buying into them, go back to what you were doing. Say to yourself, ‘let me get back to this. I want to get a little further’, and stay focused in the present. Thank your mind for the offer to avoid whatever it drummed up but don’t be sarcastic about it. Be kind to your mind, it’s part of you. Open up to it and make room for the thoughts, feelings and sensations.

Tip:

Be kind to yourself. You landed in this war zone because you allowed yourself to be in the war zone. War zones are not places to be, and you don’t have to be in there. You may think that you’re powerless and that your mind won’t stop. So what, let your mind do whatever. It’s just a thought generator and evaluator, problem solver who isn’t always right. Make room for your mind’s thoughts, your body’s sensations. Open your heart to them. By opening your heart you are allowing them to be. You’re not forcing them away. The struggle will have stopped. ‘Drop the rope and you are free’. 

Tip:

This is not your fault. It is not your mind’s fault. It’s just a habit of listening and buying into your mind’s thoughts and not thinking that you can just let them be. Because it happened, doesn’t mean it always has to happen. It’s just like any other habit. You have to apply some techniques, will power in the beginning especially, and then it gets easier. Don’t buy into the thought that it’s not working once you experience some discomfort. It will take time to become a habit. Hang in there.

Tip:

When your mind tells you ‘You can’t possibly that’, just do it anyway, but thank your Mind for the suggestion and know that it means well.

Tip:

Desire nothing. You don’t need anything to fix or correct the way you feel. Accept it. Continue on with the present task. Feelings and thoughts come and go. You can’t hold onto them and you shouldn’t force them away. They are really only thoughts. You are about action.

Tip:

Treat your mind’s thoughts as thoughts. Feelings as feelings. Sensations as sensations. Your mind wants to fuse these together like they are happening now and are real or will happen just like it has evaluated it to be. Your mind fuses these together. That is not reality. Filter out what your mind produces, choose the action which is best for you to continue your path with your Values and Commitments.

Tip:

When you find yourself buying into one or several of your mind’s thoughts climb out of the train car and go back to the bridge and continue watching the train cars. This is a visual from one of the ACT books. It means the same as looking at your thoughts not from within them.

Tip:

In the beginning especially you’ll want to keep your mind busy on something other than your Anxiety. Start small. It needs things to work on. After a while you’ll see the progress and your mind will ease up.

Tip:

We tend to be extremely hard on ourselves. Try to remember this, accept it and let it be.

These tips if you practice them will help you. Don’t expect them to work right away. You may need to say them out aloud. It is a learning exercise just like how you learned to ride a bike, or say the alphabet. The stakes are not higher. They’re really not. If you think they are, then that’s your mind telling you that. Take your time with this. There is no time table. You’re learning to live with all of yourself. Love yourself, be kind to yourself, your mind included. Just do it and you’ll feel the relief. It’s what you’ve been searching for.